So if taxis want to successfully compete with Uber and the like, they’re going to have to do a few things differently:

1. Stop peeing in Mountain Dew bottles in their cabs. Passengers can smell it.
2. Arrive within a reasonable amount of time. Uber cars come much faster than taxis.
3. Stop ripping people off. Who do they think they are kidding?
4. Make credit card transactions as fast as checking out at Chipotle. It takes an hour to get out of a cab if you are paying with a credit card.
5. Not threaten to ruin the lives of aldermen in order to maintain their monopoly.
6. Lower prices during off peak hours.